Full House Meets Rico
by Korgin Elferonso
Summary: Uncle Jesse gets the family in real hot water.


**(for whatever reason it somewhat changed my format and spelling and capitalization when I uploaded it.)**

Full House

Episode 1

"Full House Meets Rico"

Opening credits

FADE IN:

**INT. TANNER LIVING ROOM – DAY**

_Dj is sitting watching tv and enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. as she takes a bite of the sandwich you can hear part of the newscast_

Newscaster

This just in, it seems most types of peanut butter have been found to

have a deadly strain of poison. They have sent out a n

otice to all people who have purchased peanut butter in the last

20 days to return it to the store for a full refund as it could be dangerous

_Dj spits the sandwich out and looks at it which a disgusted look on her face_

DJ

Geeze, never thought I could live on the wild side just by eating a P.B. and J

_Audience laughs_

_Just then danny tanner walks in through the front door_

Danny

Its official! I'm the luckiest man in the world!

DJ

What happened?

DANNY

Well first, today at work I got to the vending machine to buy a clark bar, I put in my money, press the button.

And presto! Two clark bars come out of the machine. Then I go to use the pay phone in the break room and put in a quarter and BAM

two quarters come out of the machine! Its like they paid ME to USE THE PHONE!

_audience laughs_

DJ

Gee dad, you truly are rolling in the luck

_Dj rolls her eyes. Audience laughs_

_Uncle jesse enters the living room through the kitchen door._

Uncle Jesse

Hi guys I'm just here for more blankets..

_Danny and dj look at uncle jesse. They notice uncle jesse is very thin and pale with bloodshot red eyes._

DANNY

Jesse.. Where have you been? We haven't seen you much in the past few weeks or so.

UNCLE JESSE

(yells) LISTEN! I MOVED IN HERE TO HELP YOU RAISE THESE KIDS! IF I WANT TO LAY LOW FROM PEOPLE IN THE BASEMENT I DON'T NEED ANY FLACK FROM YOU ALRIGHT?! MY GOD ITS LIKE I'M IN A PRISON!

DANNY

What do you mean lay low from people? Are you in some type of trouble jess?

_Jesse looks at danny giving a look like he just realized what he had said and flings his hand in the air and walks out of the room_

DJ

Whats with uncle jesse?

DANNY

I'm not sure..

_Danny walks into the kitchen after uncle jesse_

**Int. tanner kitchen - day**

_Jesse is pacing back in forth in the kitchen scratching his neck repeatedly. He looks up and notices danny walked in the kitchen and screams in fear_

DANNY (CONT'D)

Jesse whats going on?!

JESSE

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIM!

DANNY

HIM WHO??

JUST AFTER HE SAID THAT THE PHONE RINGS. THE RINGING PHONE SCARES JESSE AND HE RUNS BACK INTO THE BASEMENT.

DANNY

Didn't know he was such a scardey cat.

_AUDIENCE LAUGHS_

_DANNY TURNS AND ANSWERS THE PHONE. THE TELEPHONE CONVERSATION GOES AS FOLLOWS_

Danny: "Hello Tanner residence"  
caller: "Do you have it?"

Danny: "Listen bucko you call here everyday and ask the same question! No I do not have anything!"

caller: "Last chance is up.._*click*"_

_Danny hangs up the phone and shakes his head_

Danny

Dang kids with there dang manly voices

A_udience laughs_

_After saying that danny hears the door close and DJ scream from the living room. Danny then runs into the living room to see what's going on._

DANNY (CONT'D)

Deeje what is going on..

_Danny looks up and realizes there's an italian man with many gold chains and a gun standing in the living room._

Rico

Where the fuck is jesse?! Tell me or ill blow you the fucks away right now!

DANNY

Woah woah woah. Whets this all about bub? You don't just walk into the Tanner household uninvited wielding a gun.

R_ico looks at danny with a confused look_

RICO

(shakes head in confusion) NO NO NO! NONE OF THIS SHIT! TELL ME WHERE JESSE IS!

_Audience laughs_

_DJ becomes runs to her dad and grabs his leg_

DJ

Dad I'm scared!

DanNY

Listen, mister..

RiCO

Call me Rico..now get..fucking...jesse

DANNY

Okay okay...he's in the basement.. I'll go get him. DJ you stay here

DJ

BUT DAD!

DANNY

Just do as I say

_Danny walks through the kitchen door to go get jesse_

Rico

Hey little girl bitch. You got any others in tha house right bout now?!

DJ

Just my little sister Michelle at the moment sir..

Rico

Well go upstairs and get tha sorry cunt..boy I gotta see this bitch. If shes even half as ugly as you I might just pass out from an ugly overload yah cunt (RICO POINTS TO HIS HEAD AND STARTS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

_Audience laughs_

_Dj runs upstairs to get michelle. rico sits on the couch and gets comfortable_

_R_ico (CONT'D)

I CAN GET USED TAH THE FUCKIN CUNT SHIT HERE HAHHA! COUCH IS COUSHY LIKE SOFT BREAD THO HAHA!

_DANNY WALKS BACK INTO THE ROOM THROUGH THE KITCHEN DOOR_

DANNY

Jesses gone..

RICO

Not surprising, he was always one to travel.

_Audience laughs akwardly_

_DJ and michelle begin to walk down the stairs while at the same time uncle joey walked through the front door_

Joey

Hey guys I've got great new..

_BANG. Rico shoots uncle joey in the face immediately killing him_

Dj and michelle

NO UNCLE JOEY!

_DJ AND MICHELLE RUN TO UNCLE JOEY. MICHELLE LOOKS AT THE BLOOD SOAKED HOLE IN UNCLE JOEYS FACE AND KISSES HIS FOREHEAD_

MICHELLE

I'll miss you uncle joey..

_RICO LOOKS DESIRABLY AT MICHELLE_

RICO

I cant wait to see the pink..

_Audience laughs awkwardly_

Danny

Well...we'll do whatever you want..just please leave us alone...

RICO

I want the uncle jesse! (he shrieks)

DANNY

He's not here but what did you want with him??

RICO

The money.. MY ICE AINT FREE!!

_DANNY LOOKS CONFUSED_

DANNY

All this over a bag of ice cubes?

RICO

I MEAN THE CRYSTAL!

DANNY

Crystal meth?! No way jesse does that!

Cut to:

**EXT. alleyway - day**

_We see jesse taking a big hit of crystal. He slowly exhales it._

JESSE

Have Mercy.

_Audience laughs and applauds_

Cut to:

**INT. TANNER LIVING ROOM – DAY**

_We see dj and michelle sitting on the couch with tears in there eyes while rico stand in front of them staring at them while licking his lips. Danny then walks into the room covered in blood._

DaNNY

Look I'm almost done cutting up the body for you but can I please make my kids some lunch. Their starved.

Rico

ILL FEED THE FUCKING NEED! FINISH CHOPPIN!

_DANNY WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN AND RICO FOLLOWS. THE FILM TRANSITIONS AND RICO WALKS OUT WITH TwO PB AND J SANDWICHES AND THROWS THEM ON THE TABLE_

Rico (CONT'D)

Eat the butter jelly NOW!

_Dj grabs the sandwich picks up the sandwich and looks at michelle_

DJ

Do whatever he says Michelle.. If we do what he says well be okay.

_Michelle then picks up the sandwich and eats it_

_Danny then walks back into the living room this time even more soaked in blood._

DaNNY

Okay I did what you wanted. No one will ever be able to identify that body. Can we please just go back to our normal lives. We have no idea where jesse is with your icicles.

_Audience laughs_

Rico

You've been good to me fagman. Ill let this be over for you guys

_Rico quickly pulls out his gun and shoots danny in the head. Then quickly looks at dj and michelle._

DANNY

I just wanted the fagman to hack up a body before I killed him.

NO REASONS IN HERE THOUGH (RICO POINTS TO HIS HEAD AND STARTS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

_ALL OF THE SUDDEN RICO STOPS LAUGHING AND POINTS THE GUN AT DJ. BANG. HE BLASTS HER IN THE FACE KILLING HER INSTANTLY. THEN HE LOOKS AT MICHELLE. rico notices Michelles face is severely puffed up and looks like she is in desperate need of medical assistance. _

Rico

You look like you've had some of that poison peanut butter that does go round now (RICO POINTS TO HIS HEAD AND STARTS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

RICO (CONT'D)

So little pink...you like Italian sausage...

MiCHELLE

(tearing up) I don know sir. Im not sure ive had it.

RICO

Oh..taste this one..(rico starts to reach down for his zipper)

_Just then stephanie walks into the house_

Stephanie

Hi every body I..

_Stephanie sees the carnage and blood all over the house and screams_

StEPHANIE (CONT'D)

Daddy...dj.... what what..whyy!!!

_RIGHT AFTER RICO LOOKS her then at THE CAMERA. THE CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS ON RICOs face._

RICO

Looks like it will be a threesome of pink pussy for me in the Full House HAHAHAHA

_AUDIENCE GASPS_

_RHINESTONE COWBOY STARTS TO PLAY_

_ROLL CREDITS_


End file.
